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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 7

January 7, 2016

Helpless

Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at
the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did
you do about it?

I first began feeling helpless back in 2004. I’d always had some depression, even as a child, but that year not only did the depression double, but I also became very agoraphobic. Until you’ve felt the inability to leave your home, I don’t think you can fully understand how helpless this makes one feel. It eased a bit and I was able to make the move with my husband from Virginia to Oklahoma in 2005. Once there, the depression became insurmountable and the agoraphobia returned with a vengeance.

Over the coming years, from 2005 until 2013, I dealt with agoraphobia off and on, but the depression became worse. I became psychotic, heard voices and was horrible suicidal. Beginning in 2008 until 2013, I attempted 7 suicides and was hospitalized 8 times.

It was in late 2013 when I finally had a saving’s grace by way of a therapist named Kathryn. She was the first therapist (and the last) who actually listened to my problems and helped me address them via Mindfulness. Without her, I am sure I would still be depressed, or quite possibly dead.

Today, I am off of all of the medication that I once took (6 different kinds!) and although I do occasionally have dark days, I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier and filled with hope.

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5 Comments
  1. I appreciate the sharing that you’re doing through your blog. I think the most important thing about dealing with depression and anxiety (and lots of other things that make my life complicated) is being able to know that I’m not alone. Blog land provides a source of support and allows us to give of ourselves to others who benefit from that support. I’m glad to have found your blog. Thanks for finding me first. 🙂

    • Thank, Deborah… yes, it is important to share about depression… for one’s own health and as you said, to show that we are not alone. Thank you for stopping by and for following me… and you are most welcome! I look forward to your blog 🙂

  2. Thank you so much for the reblog 🙂

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